I write this to you in real-time, from the trenches of a twenty-something gal figuring out life, who at times feels like a lost human soul gripped at it’s being.
I’ve experienced loss in many ways as I’m sure you have, too. From losing my mom, grandmother, grandfather(s), family members, friends. Death (insert cuss word here) sucks. Losing a loved one is a feeling I can’t even begin to explain, and I know you can relate in some capacity. I still don’t know what pain is worse - the shock of loss or the ache of what never will happen now that they are gone. I feel as if I should be stronger and somewhat more “healed” on this topic. My faith tells me that the people I have lost are feeling an insurmountable peace right now, and I should feel happy about that. But I am human, and sometimes my emotions get the best of me.
I have also experienced loss in terms of friendships, relationships, opportunities, and failures. It takes one strong individual to sit with themselves, calm their storms, and heal their personal issues. I think I’m strong, but not strong enough to do it alone. Thankfully I don’t have to. I have an incredible support system but I also have a great, big God who loves me relentlessly and unconditionally who throws grace at me like we’re playing dodgeball.
I’ve come to learn that some of my lowest points have been turned into the greatest highs. My stories, successes, and losses, are all being used for what I like to call “the bigger picture”. When I was little I’d ask my mom, “How big is God?” and she’d reply, “Bigger than anything you can ever imagine.”
So, I’d rattle off a list of things;
“Bigger than the ocean, skyscrapers, the sky?”
She’d always say “Bigger, Kennedy.”
To be honest I was just picturing a giant man perched above us in the sky beaming down at us. But I now see what she meant. She didn’t necessarily mean physically big, but spiritually and divine. It’s impossible to define Him by human standards of size and measurement. God transcends physical dimensions. After all He is the God that created the stars and galaxies, the universe, and everything we feel and experience.
God is greater, and bigger, than anything we could ever go through, good and bad. And he taught me a beautiful lesson about space. As I wished for someone or something to stay, and it left, I gained space. And within that space lies the most vulnerable, beautiful, authentic, version of myself. My clarity blossomed in the thunderstorm of life. God never left me empty, he left me with space, a space to truly feel the most intricate, unexplainable form of love; His love within me. In that space there was no room for the past or worries of the future. There was only me, God’s never-ending Grace, and my burning passion to make the most of this insanely chaotic beautiful life I was given. There was only the present moment in which I could be. In this space is His love and the deepest form of self-realization that this life is incomprehensibly only mine. Every moment of emptiness is an opportunity to experience the fullness of Christ.
Space is important. Your time and space is precious. Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let pain make you hate. Don’t let bitterness steal the sweetness of life.
Remember that God will never leave you nor forsake you. And it’s in those moments of space where you experience and accept the true love of Jesus, an extraordinary feeling courses through your veins as you come alive into the truest version of yourself. A version that respects the space that lies within loss. A secret to life is letting situations be what it is instead of thinking about how you wanted it to be and then making the best of it no matter how hard it may feel.
There is a future ahead of you even when times feel lonely and dark. Starry nights you haven’t seen. Hugs you haven’t given. People you haven’t loved. Dreams left to be dreamt. Days you haven’t lived.